WARRIOR

Joshua 1 : 9 (New King James version)

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

The first sentence explicitly says it is a commandment. That does not sound like any bargain is permissible, and to be honest, it does sound intimidating. With that established in mind, I explored what it really means.

The command is “Be strong and of good courage”.

It dawned on me that in daily life, whether we are the one who give command or being commanded, it is about to do something, not to be. It appeared to me only God can utter such command. Noone can command others “to be”. They command someone to do, not to be, because “to be” takes creation activity.

In the context of Joshua 1 : 9, the story was about God preparing Joshua to lead His people to enter Canaan, a land God promised His people since the days of Abraham. Entering this promised land means battling against its inhabitant, a nation that defied the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. It can be safely concluded Joshua was told to be a warrior, a military general. Despite of surviving a 40-year period in the desert, technically, it did not make the Israelites any military champion. On top of that, the people they had to battle were physically in giant sizes. That certainly needed a giant pile of strength and courage.

There was never a bit of warrior nature in me. I loved my comfort zones, stayed safe, stayed eloquent without having to deal with huge challenges. Same as the Israelites, having gone through life for a certain period of time does not mean I was totally prepared to face (bigger) challenges in life. Complacency was wonderful, despite of the danger it may bring.

To be a warrior means to face battle(s) ahead. Strength and courage is fundamental need. True enough, my battle found me. It came in the form of anxiety and depression.

From the moment I was diagnosed with mental health issue, whether I liked it or not, He has been training me as a warrior. The revelation did not come from the beginning, perhaps because I would not be able to digest it anyway. This revelation He brought, is more of a gradual growing understanding so I can embrace what He titled me to be.

After being through episodes of anxiety and depression, I have to say I can never be the same person as I was, and I hope I am now a better one, but that is for God and others to assess.

How can one go to a battle and come back as the same person? With all scars and wounds from a battle, there is no place and possibility to have the same personality as the episodes before life battle. Memories of the darkest hours, in-depth despair, and daydreaming about death to fetch us soon to free us from the pain and pitch black darkness.

But that is the whole purpose. For the scars and wounds are then knitted by God so we can see His handiwork and His beauty, along with the beauty He bestows us with His “knitting” work on our scars and wounds. Knitting work can only be done with meticulousness on each knit, which represents the personal level He is involved in our every wound and scar. This is where “for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” comes in the scene.

It came to my senses why characters in Bible had always been told to go out from their comfort zones, go to battles prepared for them, and become warriors on the other side of their stories. Each of them, after bearing all the wounds and scars from the battles, were prepared to go to the real Promised Land, that is face to face with God. A union in realm of love with Him where there shall be no more tears, sorrow, pain, and of course… no more battle.

I look forward to that day.